It’s Finally Happening — In Our Own Words
To Jessica:
It’s safe to say it’s been a long, windy road for us thus far. When we first met I knew there was something about you; something I couldn’t quite place but I was sure you felt it too. It was that mutual feeling that made us so comfortable so fast.
I knew things weren’t great in your life at that time and while I didn’t ask anymore than you’d share, I was content with merely being your escape from it all. I immediately recognized that pain because I had been in a similar mindset for the better part of a decade, only letting people in so much before inevitably pushing them away or making them hate me to make it easier on myself. Yet, when I saw your pain, I immediately wanted to help any little way I could.
Sharing my love of Philadelphia with you quickly became one of my favorite hobbies. Location scouting for photo-shoots, riding bikes through various parts of the city, walks in the summer time to talk and finally picking a place to share a drink before turning back home, foodie adventures to all the best hole-in-the-wall spots in the city, and eventually even helping the kids experience it in their own little way — walking dogs from Street Tails where I volunteered and walks to the playground where we’d sit and watch them play and make friends.
“That was the real reason I fell so hard — how much of an amazing mother you were to Lyric & Riley.”
As you well know, that was the real reason I fell so hard — how much of an amazing mother you were to Lyric & Riley. Even with everything going on with a long separation and even longer divorce, you made sure they knew they were loved and had as much fun as possible all while taking the time out to talk to them about the whole ordeal; not ignoring it entirely with games and activities to take their minds off of it all.
Which is why, when two years later after doing the long distance thing for a while, the decision to come down to Maryland and start a new life down here only knowing you and the kids, was an easy one.
However, as easy as the decision was, we all know it’s been anything but easy the last few years. Getting laid off was hard enough, but with you and the kids in the picture it took an even bigger toll on me — one that I’m still pulling myself out of.
As you later found out, that summer I was going to propose. However, with losing my job in March and paying fun 1099 taxes in April everything was put on hold; the proposal, the wedding, and really.. our life together itself.
The next two years were some of the hardest I’ve ever had to endure. Feeling like a failure as an individual, as a job prospect, and mostly ashamedly, as a provider. I didn’t know what to do.
Yet, even through all that pain, there were some glimmers of moments that reminded me why I fell in love with you:
Watching you climb the ladder in your career and even being recruited to a new awesome job.
Seeing how creative we got when the holidays and birthdays came with little money to spend.
How passionate you were in helping produce the podcast with me, even though you had so much on your plate.
How no matter what was going on, you made sure we all sat around the dinner table smiling and laughing together as a family.
The way you always closed your eyes and breathed a sigh of relief whenever I held your face and said, “We’re going to get through this, I promise.”
The fact that you never let me forget how much you believed in me, even when I lost all belief in myself.
All of these moments are just a sliver of the amazing times we’ve shared together as a couple and as a family. The truth is that the pain we both knew when we met and for years before, began to subside in me once I realized the hole you and the kids filled in my heart.
As much as I wanted to give you and the kids an amazing life, I know we’ve been missing the mark on some of the usual points, but it’s those ups and downs that make life memorable anyway. The biggest shining moment has been being able to share it with all of you, bringing us closer together and making us stronger than ever because of it.
“And even with all the pain, tears, and frustrations I wouldn’t of had it any other way with you, Lyric & Riley in my life.”
Even though it’s been a long, windy road thus far, I smile because life’s beautiful imperfectness is what makes it so worth living.
To Jose:
When I first met you, I was a hot mess, for lack of a better word. In the midst of a nasty divorce and in the thicket of an equally detrimental rebound…I found you.
I was looking for something for quite some time, I just had no idea at the time that it was you — jorts and all. You were a breath of life and with every stare, smile and time you made me laugh, the hook found it’s way deeper into my heart.
I recall only a few months after meeting you knowing that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, as I sat down one evening and wrote a letter that I never intended to give you, giving myself permission to express my deepest, truest feelings about you. I knew even then that I loved you, as I wrote those words and tears fell from my eyes. It was a feeling I couldn’t deny or contain, and even though I was terrified to love again and let you know how I felt, I just had to get it out.
“For most of our relationship it’s true, we have put the cart before the horse.”
Over the past 5 years I feel as though we have lived a lifetime. So many ups and downs, days that tested us and ones that brought us closer. Yet, with every step and sometimes stumbles you stood and even laid by my side. Even in my darkest days I look back and take solace in the fact that you have always been there, being my anchor in the midst of our storms.
The good times, oh… they are so much sweeter knowing that I get to share them with my best friend and my battle buddy. I have learned to live in the moment and to be present but I can’t help but get caught up in the beautiful story that we are and will continue to write. I can’t wait to grow old and grey with you. To watch our kids spread their wings (and flippers) and change the world, to see and experience new and exhilarating things hand in hand.
“We’ve had to take a lot of risk and more times than not, leap without looking, and that suits us just fine, when we do it together.”
For most of our relationship it’s true, we have put the cart before the horse. We’ve had to take a lot of risk and more times than not, leap without looking and that suits us just fine, when we do it together. I am so happy that we decided to not let life and her tumultuous ways decide our fate, that we put our foot down, vowing to not let the trials and setbacks that we have experienced stop us from making plans for our life. I cannot imagine a better way to look hardship and fear in the face than to give ourselves the gift of hope and love. You have always and forever will be my silver lining.
“I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.”
The whole ‘putting the cart before the horse’ thing has been kind of our mantra for our entire relationship. We fell hard for each other earlier than either of us anticipated, raising two wonderful kids together before even having the ‘kids talk’, moving to the suburbs while still renting (who does that?), and a host of other little humorous moments along the way.
So it should come as no surprise that we decided to continue the trend. During the last two years, we had many long talks into the night about our feelings, our thoughts, and what we envisioned the end of the tunnel to look like.
One thing we both agreed on was that we were tired of putting our lives on hold, simply waiting until I got another steady job, we had more money saved or the kids were older to do so many things.
So with that in mind, we decided to set a date for…
Our wedding — October 7th of this year.
For those of you who know me will recognize that date; my birthday. The collective whine of women everywhere is palpable, so let me explain:
For most of my life, I loathed my birthday. Couldn’t really ever explain it, it just was for the longest time. However, the best birthday ever was my 30th where Jessica surprised me with a dinner in Philadelphia with my entire family in attendance, many of whom were coming to visit me for the first time in my new home of the city of brotherly love. So with that in mind, I proposed we set the date of my birthday to achieve one important thing: From now until forever, my birthday will no longer be something I dread but instead smile about because it’s the day I got to marry my best friend, making for the happiest day in my life.
Yes, we set a date together before I had asked her to marry me because let’s be serious, it’s a given she’ll say yes :)
The honest truth is though, we thought making this decision together was the best way to move forward with our lives and figure everything else out along the way.
So between now and October, I will be surprising Jessica with a proposal to make it ‘official’ and to keep her on her toes as usual.
